...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
