I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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