So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
