is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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