I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I AM VODKA MAN
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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