I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize