and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
