Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
