His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So many bounce houses so little time
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That accounts for only three of the penises
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
