Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
3pm strippers are depressing
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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