Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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