and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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