I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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