she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize