I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He better not be in your backpack
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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