Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
