Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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