I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
