I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
