Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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