So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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