do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
