So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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