the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This is the high leading the old right now
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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