come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
