Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
