I wish life had little blips of pornography
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
