We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
