Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How does one acquire holy water?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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