GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
