do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
