he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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