Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
