bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
