Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
