I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
