Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
