she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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