You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
