I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
