that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
