Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
