i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think people are normalizing furries
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
