Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
