I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
