Swine flu. Run for my life!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
