i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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