she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
