Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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