he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
