listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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