I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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