No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
