Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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