He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
