just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
