I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
