hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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