Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
