I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
