I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
