I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
