there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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