oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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