so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
