I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
