Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
