Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
