When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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