Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
