When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
